One time is too many for a man to ever lay his hand on you. Even if this man happens to be the guy you’re engaged to. The one you sleep next to each night and have save the dates with. Even if you’ve always felt in your heart of hearts that he’s the one special person for you. If he ever strikes you or comes at you, it’s time to make a move for yourself and get out of the relationship. Physical confrontation paints a clear picture of what’s abuse and what’s not – but with emotion, the line isn’t quite as clear or profound. But you can be emotionally abused every single day of your relationship and not know it until you find your self-confidence shattered on the floor when the partnership ends. Here’s how to tell if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship — and more importantly, how to get out of it:
Listen to Him
No really – really listen to him. Especially when you’re out with your group of friends: how does he refer to you? Does he call you endearing names (“Sweetheart”, “Baby”) or demeaning ones (“Hey woman, get over here”, “Hey chubby lady”)? Does he tell embarrassing stories that you’ve asked him not to or inappropriately smack your bottom when you’d rather he not? These traits demonstrate a need to control and always be the center of attention. By putting you down – even if it’s slight or seemingly insignificant – makes him feel like he’s the bigger ace in the relationship and you’re there to make him look good and strong.
Dissect His Commentary
Does he notice when you’ve gained a few pounds and comment on it? Will he say if he thinks a girl walking by or on television is sexier than you? Does he ever comfort you in your time of need or does he always bring himself into the equation to make you feel less important? How does he talk about other women or past relationships? If his reasons why other love affairs haven’t last all have to do with a fault on a woman’s part, it’s a red flag that he doesn’t take ownership for his own actions and blames his partner instead. If he’s super critical of everything about you: your hair, your makeup, your tiny weight gain, your pedicure – he doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
How to get out
Either start standing up for yourself and call him out on his ways or walk away from the relationship. Most men who are intimidated by a woman will end the courtship themselves or become really upset by the sudden end on your part. Confront him only in a public space in case his actions turn physical.
By Aurora Brown