You have matching freckles on your left arms. You met like they do in the movies – unexpectedly and feverishly. You felt something in places you thought didn’t work anymore the first time he kissed you. Though you’re not sure if you believe you just know when you meet the right guy – you’re pretty sure this is it. But something’s off. You’re not so sure he agrees.
It’s a hard dose of reality to swallow – especially when you truly, really love the man you’re dating. While it’s important to have patience in your relationship, there comes a point where you have to make a decision without those rose-colored glasses. If you do want to get married one day – make sure you’re not dating Mr. Anti-Marriage by watching out for these signs. (If you see more than 3, it’s time to ditch that guy and find one who wants to see you in that beautiful white dress!)
You’ve Been Dating for More Than Three Years – and You Haven’t Talked About it Yet
Most relationship experts agree that you see each other’s true colors around six months. You’ll have your first big, huge (awful) fight around a year. Major life changes will probably happen the following two years (job changes, moving, possibly moving in together, deaths in the family, medical scares). In your twenties, your life molds so quickly that three years can make a big difference, and if you’ve survived all of those storms together and he hasn’t mentioned making it for the long run, there’s reason to worry. And also, reason for you to bring the topic of marriage up. There’s no need to waste time if you’re with someone who can’t even start to formulate the words “I do.”
He Gets Uncomfortable When Anything Engagement Related
He can’t even look at your computer screen if you have your Pinterest board pulled up with dream engagement rings or wedding gowns. He barely responded to you when you squealed over your best friend getting engaged. He doesn’t go or complains about being your date to weddings. He doesn’t care that his brother married an amazing woman that you’d be happy to call your sister. He gets fidgety when you talk about a marriage you really admire or see an older couple walking by, hand-in-hand, even after 30 years. If he can’t stomach the idea of anything lacey, romantic or sparkly, there’s a good chance he’s not imagining a big, beautiful wedding with you. (Or anyone.)
He’s Still Living in the Past
Maybe he only brings up his ex-girlfriend casually or in comparison to something you’re talking about. Or sometimes he reminisces about the good ‘ole days in college that honestly weren’t that long ago, anyway. Perhaps he isn’t over the hard times he faced years ago or how he didn’t land that dream job that he knew would. Maybe he questions where he’s going next so much that he doesn’t live in the moment and he feels uncomfortable talking about the future. If he isn’t able to let go of the past and move forward, he’s not going to propose building a life with you.
He Has Trust Issues
While coming from a divorced family isn’t an indicator that your marriage will fail, some children who grew up splitting their time between two households have trouble with trust. Or, if he was cheated on in a past relationship, he may be holding onto lingering hurt feelings. Even if your relationship is committed, strong and loving, it’s important for him to address what’s holding him back before he can move forward. And though you’d probably like to help, it’s something he needs to do on his own. If he doesn’t work it out, there’s a good chance it won’t work out with your two, either.
He’s Having A Lot of Fun – and Doesn’t Want to Get Serious
He could be a great guy with sweet intentions, but if he’s jet-setting around the world with his company or thinking of taking a six-month backpacking trip with his buddies in Europe, he’s probably not going to want to settle in roots with you. Or, if he’s enjoying the party guy lifestyle and you’re growing out of it, there will be tension about what time he comes home and what time you need to sleep to be functional at work the next day. If you’re dreaming of nurseries and he’s dreaming of hang-gliding, it’s time to have a discussion about what’s next. Because chances are, he’s not thinking too much about getting married, instead, he’s thinking about getting his kicks wherever he can.
He’s In Between Things
The job market sucks and he’s been unemployed for months. He just left his high-paying awesome job to do an expensive graduate program. He’s deciding if he wants to stay where he lives or move somewhere else. Someone close to him just passed away or all of his friends are going through life changes. Stability is very important to a man and if he feels like the ground he’s walking on is unstable, he’s unlikely to pile another pressure on top of it. Until he has his ducks-in-a-row, he won’t feel comfortable inviting into his happily ever after. It’s up to you to decide if you’re willing to wait, or you’d rather find someone who is ready…now.
By Aurora Brown
