Want to know what goes on in your guy’s mind? Ask our expert Andy!
Q: How do I get my boyfriend to propose? We have been dating 2 years and it is about time.
A: First I want to congratulate you on asking the mother of all questions when it comes to this subject. This is a 6 or 7 Guinness question…meaning I have to drink 6 or 7 beers to try to find a suitable answer. (Who am I kidding? When I drink 7 Guinness’ I typically fall asleep after several feeble attempts to “connect” with my wife.)
Regardless…I think I’ve actually come up with a four part answer to this unanswerable question.
1. Stop talking about getting engaged. The tone of your question leads me to believe that you have dropped several not-so-subtle hints about the whole engagement thing. Maybe you mentioned your best friend’s engagement ring? If that’s true stop it. The more you talk about it the less he hears you. Trust me…the first time you brought it up it went in his brain and stayed there.
2. Tell ‘em to zip it. When your friends/relatives so much as hint at the subject of marriage to him tell ’em to zip it. You may think your bestie is helping you by giving him sh*t about getting the milk for free, but it’s the exact opposite. He’ll feel like you’re ganging up on him…which means pressure…and no one likes to make a decision from a pressure point. BONUS: When he feels like you’re in his corner he’s going to think you walk on water. He may even wonder why you’ve had a sudden change of heart. Neither of these is a bad thing.
3. Let them talk. It’s been 2 years and people are beginning to talk, right? So what…let them talk. I know it’s hard not to care about what other people think but you’ll be altogether better off if you can master this gift. When you get right down to it it’s really none of their business. Even if they want the best for you, they don’t have to go home to him every night…or fold his underwear…or try to stretch the bank account with him…or listen to him snore and fart while he sleeps. Love can be a messy business that requires your full on focus, but it’s worth it when you pull it off. So let them talk while you focus on your relationship…not what they would do if they were you.
4. Own it. The bottom line is that everyone’s situation is their own…and you need to own YOURS. (I doubt you expected THIS kind of advice, huh?) Seriously…own your relationship with him the way it is now and be thankful for it. Notice the good things…ignore the bad…and your situation will change for the better. Trust me on this one. (And let me know I’m right down the road. I live for that kind of thing.)
So there you have it dear reader. A four part answer to one that has plagued woman-kind for centuries. (Actually I have no idea if that’s true or not…but it sound more epic when I present it that way.)
Andy
Andy Koehn is the owner of Koehn & Koehn Jewelers, author of the Buy Like a Guy blog, and as he puts it, “The only woman/mom without a vagina.”
Try 5 years with his son on the way. Ha! I got u beat girl. LOL. Mr. Koehn was on the money with this one. Even celebrity couples are waiting more than 2 years of the relationship to get married. It has to happen in God’s time. No other explanation for it. In the meantime, you just continue to love the one you’re with and appreciate the blessing to have found someone you can put up with that puts up with you.
This is kind of ironic, Angel. I was driving this morning and thinking of all the possible scenarios in peoples lives that might change my answer. Of course children in the picture came to mind. You just answered MY question! Thanks and congrats. (Kids don’t change anything. Ha!) (And that was a friendly “Ha!”)
If your bf wants to propose he will, if he doesn’t want to propose he won’t. BUT I must say that any man that says he doesn’t believe in marriage won’t change his mind just because you’re so f-ing wonderful. You’ll just waste 10 years running after a man that doesn’t want to get caught. If he doesn’t believe in marriage move on and find a man that does. I say if he hasn’t proposed by 3 years then say that you have to move on because you don’t want to stay with a man that can’t realize after 3 years that you’re worth marrying.
i’ve bn in a relationship for 2yrs plus n my boyfriend sister say am too old to married her brother dat @ my age 40 i can’t ve a child for him,but my boyfriend is still dating me he has said anything 2 me. What should i do.
Well first and foremost it is him to whom you should ask the question not his sis. Having a child or not and how is a decision every couple in a long time relationship has to make.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have been to countless weddings together, the most recent for his step-sister. I used to talk about getting married until I realized that the pressure of marriage was less than beneficial to our relationship and the important thing is to be happy for what we already have. One day, we will be married, and until then, i want to enjoy our time. He’s mentioned things about wanting to be married in the past. The ringer is, at his step-sister’s wedding, he started talking about what he wants at OUR wedding, yadayada.. So now my question is, if he is talking about what he wants at our wedding (and we’re not engaged yet) What am I supposed to think of this? Should i just brush it off and keep my mouth shut until it happens? Should i not get my hopes up that it will happen soon?
I agree with “admin” above. The decision or desire to get married is squarely between the 2 of you. Parts of point #2 above apply here in my opinion. It’s reversed a bit because his sister is saying NOT to get married…but isn’t that ultimately up to you and him to decide? Yes. Yes it is. (And if you love him and he loves you and you’re not engaged to be married…be happy for what you DO have. That sort of applies to every part of life, dontcha’ think?)
Ive known my boyfriend for 11 years. We have been dating for 2 years now and we have a beautiful 8 month old baby boy together. He has gave me a few rings in the past but when I ask why he is just giving me rings and not along there big question he says that day will come someday… I am the only girl he has ever been serious with and he swears I’m the one for him… Why hasn’t he proposed yet?
KayKay….Why are you still with someone who after 11 YEARS! has not married you? You can lay down and have sex with him 365 days of every year and now you are have his baby!!?? Huuummm….if he has not done it now, he won’t sorry but you deserve soooo much better. It sound like he has all the control in that part of the relationship. He either is waiting for something better or you have not set standards for yourself in terms of what you want and besides he knows you are not going anywhere. Trust me I have seen it time and time again. Old saying, “Why buy the cow when you ae getting the milk for free”
my boyfriend and i have been together for 19 years and i love hem but we still haveint even gooton married yet and im really sad abo????????????
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs. I am 26 and he is 27 yrs old. I have been mentioning I wanna get married and I know he wants to too but idk if he wants to right now. But the problem is even after wedding talks and even looking at rings together he still hasn’t pooped the question. I don’t know what to do as I feel as if he just will have me waiting forever. Oh and now days every time I mention it he says “babe just wait it will happen your just ruining it”. So my question is should I stop talking about it and be happy for my relationship (fyi its been a yr since we have looked at rings) or should I just pull away so he knows what he is missing.
[…] him to propose. I gave a not-quite-perfect, but somewhat useful answer in a previous post called, “How do I get my boyfriend to propose?” It may answer some of your questions as […]
ugh! I know exactly how you feel Alvarez. I’ve been with my bf oficially together 2 1/2 yrs(dating him since one yr plus that) We’ve been living together for about a yr and a 1/2. He’s 28, Im 24. We’ve looked at rings, he has even asked me what kind of shape I liked better(a yr ago)!! I’ve mentioned that I don’t want to have kids before getting married and that I won’t have kids either after Im 30, so I guess I pretty much have made myself clear. He swears Im the one, otherwise he wouldn’t be with me, but he just doesn’t pop out the question!! I truly love him, I just don’t want to wait until Im 30, not married and not having the opportunity to have children, not even with someone else.
Alvarez- I’ve been thinking of your same questions too!
I have recently turned 30 my boyfriend just turned 23 we have been together for just over a year. He has told all our friends that he loves me and I’m the one for him and he is going to marry me, he has been doing this since we were together for about 3 or 4 months. Our parents just recently met and they get along great. My problem is I feel like even though he wants to marry me he keeps putting off engagement, if I bring it up he comes up with this whole pressure story and I think he has said the same thing to some of our friends. I feel pressure that it’s not gonna happen and that he’s just gonna keep putting it off, because at one point he was like oh I’m not gonna wait then he says he is gonna wait for another year……he’s all over the map and my whole family is pressuring me! If he knows I’m the one (and he says he does 100%) why is he sooo afraid to propose or take that step??? I feel sooo stalled, I feel like this is our next step and he’s just gonna keep putting it off. He also said when he went by my parents house he was gonna talk to my dad about it but he said my dad wasn’t very talkative and was short with him so he didn’t. I think it’s his responsibility to call my dad not just happen to be stopping by and waiting for a good chance to ask him. Any suggestions???
Stupid remark! All the remarks are for the advantage of guys. If they are not ready to propose then they should go find a one night stand. I hate all these artcles teaching how not to pressure men. But it’s ok for men to ask it all in relationship from women but don’t like the be “pressured” for something real. What the F?
Men love everything free with no obligations! ladies if your men haven’t proposed to you and it’s been a while, drop the looser and find yourself a reall man! Don’t listen to all these nonsense articles of how careful to be not to scare off a guy.. come on! are you kidding me? These guys get comfortable with you and having you around all the time. So why marry you? They have you just how and where they want you and there is no reason to commit! These articles are stupid! Why women always have to be careful? It’s what they deserve and if the man is serious he will value that! There is no such thing as be careful so that you won’t scare off these men? what are they wild animals that you have to approach them slowly otherwise they will run away? If that’s who they are then let them go and find someone better!
OK…SO HERE’S THE DEAL WITH ME ADAM…I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BF FOR 3YRS NOW. WE HAVE A GORGEOUS 1YR OLD DAUGHTER NOW. BUT WHEN SHE WAS 6MTHS HE STARTED TALKING TO HIS EX BEHIND MY BACK LIKE I WOULDN’T FIND OUT. THEN HE GOT MAD WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY…HE LACKS COMMUNICATION AND INTEREST IN ME. EVERYONE SAYS I SHOULD JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I REALLY LOVE HIM. SO PLEASE HELP ME…WHAT SHOULD I DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER SO HE WILL PROPOSE. BTW WE’RE BOTH 21 AND HE SAYS WE’RE TOO YOUNG 2 GET MARRIED…BUT WE WEREN’T TOO YOUNG 2 HAVE A BABY HUH? I JUST REALLY NEED HELP 2 EITHER GET OVER HIM OR TO TRY AND BTTER OUR RELATIONSHIP…PLEASE HELP ME ANDY.
SORRY I STARTED OFF CALLING YOU ADAM…I MEANT ANDY…IM JUST SO DISTRAUGHT.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. He talks about getting married MORE then I do…but still he hasn’t asked me the big question… What do I do. I give him space I never bring it up…and when he does it kills me cause I feel like it just never going to happen. What do I do!
First and foremost, you need to talk with him about your plans as a couple overall. Children, lifestyle etc… Say 5 and 10 years down the road. Of course then talk about marriage and say it is important to you and how you feel. He should get the message
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4years and we have been living together for almost a year.he sometimes talks about getting married and we have even looked at rings. He keeps telling me he’ll save up for one then be all like your going to be mad but I haven’t I really don’t know what to do anymore cuz it pisses me off Tht he’d tell me he’ll do something then not. I used to ask him about it slot then jus kinda stopped. We even had plans once to get married this year. We had a guest list and everything made up. He was even the one Tht brought that up but he still hasn’t popped the question. I guess I mostly just want to kno if you think I’m wasting my time. I love him but I’m not getting any younger and i feel like he doesn’t care I mean we already live together he’s gettin everything he would get if we were married but kids…
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years I do everything for him take care of his three kids happily! And we have one together I make him lunch every morning before work no matter how tired I am I do everything I can to prove my love and I asked about a promise ring and engagement but nothing works hes married they’ve been seperated two years and still no money for a divorce so when he says he wants to marry me I cant help but not believe it I love him but I want more I dont know how to move on though, I dont know what to do wait or walk??
I’ve been with my boyfriend for some time now, & i was wondering when will he propose to me. :/ I’m going crazy thinking when. I brought it up twice & he says he wants to wait, & he wants to buy the ring soon but how do i know if he’s serious or not.. help!!:'(
Angel: Girl… You said it! It seems like everyone around us is getting engaged and we’ve been living together for over 2 years. We picked out the ring a year and a half ago and still, no purchase haha! God sure does have a sense of humor doesn’t he?!
Andy, what are your thoughts on promise rings? I caught him looking at the ring we decided on one day and later he asked me what I thought about having a promise ring…
I initially shot the idea down was a little harsh saying that it was a copout and didn’t realize that I may have hurt him. Is this something that men may do to tag a woman without legitimately committing? Or could this be his way of taking baby steps to proposing? He was planning on buying the original ring we had picked out and putting a CZ in there until he was ready to buy the diamond and do the real deal. I’d love to hear your perspective on this because then maybe I’ll give this whole promise ring thing a shot.
We have been together for almost 5 years and
I have been trying for 3 years to get him to ask me but he won’t budge. And now he wants me to live with him but I don’t have a ring on my finger
My boyfriend and I are going on 5 years. He’s 29 and I’m 25. Our families and friends absolutely adore eachother and everything feels right in the sense that getting engaged in the next logical step. He tells me all the time that he is in a tough place financially and cannot afford to put a ring on it. It bums me out just hearing that all the time because he’s always mentioning “when we get married…” stuff, and quite frankly, I’m disappointed that he hasn’t been saving for the ring at least over the last year or two. Is that selfish? I know he’s struggling and I wouldn’t break up with him over his finances, but I can’t be in this position much longer… What do I do?
Ive been with my boyfriend two years and we have a child together. We’ve been living under the same roof for over a year. Basically we live as a married couple. But he hasn’t popped the question. I’ve asked about marriage and he seemed to love the idea… Yet hasn’t proposed. Once at the mall he bought me a “per-engagment” ring worth $80.00 while pregnant. He had told me my real ring and proposal will be some other time. But that at the moment he didn’t have the money. He said we must focuses on our child. Well our child is to be a year old now and still nothing. He seems as if he’s forgotten or has lost motive to make a decent proposal. I don’t need a over the top proposal. Just something memerable. Is he ever going to ask?
i am 14 years old join on 15. i know it seems young but me and my bf has been together for 6 years now and he hasn’t proposed. what do i do? i want to get married and i want to get married now. how do i get him to propose?
sincerely,
not married soon to be single 14 year old.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 14 years now with 2kids! I want to get married but he says he’d rather have more kids than get married..we/ve talked about it for years on and off and I’ve never pushed it or given him an altumatium but it has gotten where I really don’t want to be a 40 year old girlfriend to the same guy without anything more on the way.
Ok I been friends with my man for a year in a half, and been dating for 2years. He almost wanted to propose to me after my major car accident that almost killed me in 2010. But he didnt propose because he some how found out about my past. Which wasnt that bad. I just lyed about having more then two sex partners. I dont think the past matters. The past is the past. Do u guys think that marrrige is still in his mind. We weren’t even dating a year yet after my major car accident happened. Also he was the only one who visit me everyday in the hospital and he gets nervous in those places. Also he was the only one who brought me presents. So do u guys think he’s n my future?
I hope so. I love him very much.
Has the thought occurred to you propose to him if you have been together for a while and want to be married(assuming you have asked as a general question could you see us being married to him)
I have known my bf for 13 years and we have been dating a little over 3 years now. He gave me a diamond ring when we first started dating, but I’m amusing its a promise ring. We both know we want to be together forever, but no talk about marriage. He also has a young son by another women right before we got together. I think with all the craziness in life he doesn’t even think about getting married.. BUT I DO! I’m going to be 30 in a few years and I’d like to have children at some point. But with a young child involved and age creeping upwards I’m really confused on what my life has in store for me.
Hello!
I was wanting some advice. I’m 22 almost 23 and I have Been with my bf for 2 years he just turned 25 and we’ve known each other for 11 years. I’ve brought up marriage to him and he says he needs time but I’m ready now. Am I wasting my time in a relationship that is going nowhere?
Also I don’t need people saying I’m to young to get married I have a house a car and a great job I just need some advice.
My boyfriend of almost 6 years is 37. Im 31. Just like everyone here I’ve wanted to get married but he says he”s not in the position. Then there’s the lets live together first. Than today he tells me I couldn’t ever live with anyone because I may leave my state in 3 months and get a house with my sister. My sister wants us to rent a house and to be close to my son. She doesn’t have kids. Today he left my apt. To go to work. I was upset over something else, he gave me a kiss on the forehead 4 the 1st time and left. What was the kiss on the forehead about?
I have been dating a man for almost 4 years and we don’t want marriage. But I would still like a ring. Saw one on Avon for only two dollars and everytime I mention a ring he just ignores me. Help what should I do?
Hi Ruth,
Don’t mention, ask!
Hi All,
I am in a similar situation but the lengthy dating situation hit hard this year. I am turning 30 next summer and I have been developing my career for the last few years. All of my younger cousins are getting married and my bf of 6 yrs has told me to ignore them. I am ready for marriage! He knows this. We went to go look at rings and he had me try on a few. He took me to the kiosk to order the right size then decided not to order due to the fact that his bills go to his grandparents house and his grandmother would see the purchase! He could easily change that by calling his credit card company! He’s bought himself a motorcycle, and a boat…joined the military without me knowing and expected me to eventually move out with him where he got stationed. I was very proud of him when he made it through his military training and I got to be at the ceremony after the anger wore off. They called me up as his “fiance” and he told me dont get used to it…but that it has to happen that way because of the military. I finally got fed up and moved back home after an extra four months of being apart while he was again back in training. I didn’t want to end up in another dead end recruiter job in a town with low level IT experience.
I found a wonderful job it IT in a very major city…started making very decent money, moved close to my family and then he gave me an ultimatum that either I take a job closer to him and move in again or we break up because the long distance isn’t working. I truly think it was the control because I was HAPPY and meeting people that were much more worldly and all had prestigious backgrounds (we recruit straight out of google and stanford) I fed into the whole thing….moved and left my furnished apartment where I was very happy and had great friends, family and opportunity to be with him. My bosses offered me free housing and a counter offer. They all told me I should travel and not worry about him. If he loves you, he can move near you as well is what everyone said….I didn’t listen:(
Now, Xmas is around the corner…he asked what I want and I said an engagement ring. We open gifts and I’m super excited because we had looked and I thought maybe he got it but was trying to surprise me with his shenanigans. No such luck. He got me a camera:( I saw the receipt and he had an $80 gift card that he put towards it from a return. Not happy at all! I’ve got a backup plan as I always do…but I’m sick of following a man with empty promises. I have my guy friends back home telling me I’m literally stupid and should have left 4 yrs ago…when I originally did!
I dated another guy for a short time (3 months)…honestly, it was to in turn show him what he was missing. Instead, this worked against me and according to him two weeks after you break up…it’s not okay to go on another date. I figured this other guy had stability that my current bf didn’t. He was the kind of guy that showered me with presents to make up for lack of other things he wasn’t good at. My current bf is loved by everyone and he puts on a major front. He has made ME sleep on the couch because he was mad and refused to put me on his lease. I am just sick of it and don’t want to wait around for something to not happen. Technically, my current bf is exactly who I’ve always wanted to be with all along and I originally left for the same reason of non-commitment. He is very controlling and doesn’t support my career endeavors. It’s frustrating when I’ve been supportive of him.
There is an event for his work tomorrow evening and he got me a giftcard to pick out a dress for tomorrow night. I feel like he might have something planned that I don’t know. I told him straight up to stop taking me to look at rings if I’m not getting one! I was mad when I got the camera and reluctantly said thank you but you KNOW what I really want after 6 yrs! He was upset but frankly, I don’t care. I am good looking and was enaged at 23. I left the ex bf because we were too young and he hadn’t finished school and neither had I. I am a planner and now this current bf is a “charmer/dreamer”…. I have a 5 yr plan and when I tell him this, he gets mad. He wants to work on a commercial fishing line after he gets out of the military! I’m expected to just follow! I also have to pay half the rent and if dinner isn’t good or on the table he gets upset. Screw this girl!!! Get out while you can, or don’t feel that you’ve wasted time. It’s not worth the pain.
Never go back to someone after you break up! Families get involved and it hurts….sometimes things get miscontrued and said that are not true. I don’t recommend to wait!
Dear Reader,
My boyfriend took me ring shopping a few days ago and I found a ring I liked. Our 4 year anniversary is in less than 2 months. But, We’re planning a Valentine’s Day trip since we can’t go on one for our Anniversary. Do u think he’ll propose during our getaway?! I’m super anxious. I don’t know how to relax and sit back as I see my friends getting engaged day by day. Help please!
So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and he knew from the beginning that I want marriage. He think that for almost 4 years that is all i talk about. how do i get him to put a ring on it?
Dear friends,
I was in a relatioship to my Ex boyfriend
for 2 years but because he was not meeting
up and was constantly in financial
problems,
my family encouraged me to divorce him.
I ended up marrying someone else but now,I
am not happy anymore.
All I think about now is my ex-husband. He
is now the only thing I think about all
day.
At the moment, I breaking up with my
current boyfriend because I am no longer
happy with him and he seems to agree that
we go our separate ways.
I have been thinking of contacting my Ex
boyfriend but I don’t know how he would
react since i left him when he was really
in a financial mess. It’s been 1 years
since we divorced.
i do not know how to contact him so i told
a friend of mine, who has told me before
that she has used his power before.
I was told that he is a spell caster,
that he can help me,
so i contact him.
i was not thinking that he can help me but
i just try and meet that he is a good man.
only dr.odidi was able to help me.
you can contact him via
email:odidispellcaster1@gmail.com
Iv been with my boyfriend for nearly 21years!!! 3 children a moetgage and still not a dikky bird! !!!
Whats a girl to do.we was 17 and 19 when we met. It didnt bother me before but alot of friends and family are starting to nag a bit. And I now actually wouldnt mind. .its like the final commitment fornus both.
i have a friend.our friendship is of 3years.we meet each other in a month for 1 or 2 day.i love him but i never said him. today i went to meet him. At the park and there was no one in the morning.only we two were there,that time he hold my hand and kissed me.i was shocked.and he was just hugging me tightly but he didnt said that he luv me.i am just getting confused.does he luv me or not?
Hello everyone. My bf and I haven’t been together as long as most of you all. We’ve actually been together for a little over 8 months but he has been a father to my child (not his biologically) and he’s just perfect for me. My previous relationship with my son’s dad lasted for 6 years and I was never this happy as I am with my current bf. I don’t want to lose such a good man; as a matter of fact, I’d like to wake up to him every day but I don’t like the idea of us living together before marriage. I’ve asked several questions about marriage to feel him out and he seems pretty receptive. However I don’t know how to get him to actually propose. Any suggestions? Any good advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks.
My boyfriend and I have known each for 29 yrs and been together for 6 yrs and 3 months of it. We talk about getting married and we have a date set. He’s also asked his best friend to be his best man. Problem is that he hasn’t even asked me to married him. Not sure what to do anymore or what to say when people ask. No matter what I say it upsets him. So anymore I just say ask him.
i’ve being dating my BF for 3yrs now & he hasn’t proposed but d last time visited him in shool last yr, he ask me ds question (if i ask 2 marry me, Will u accept?) and i said yes 2 him, i just got admission recently but he’ll be graduating ds yr, but since then he hasn’t talked about it again and he so much believe in me, he trust me even though i’m far away from him, does it mean he has plans for our future?
Hi Cherish,
We live longer lives and you are both still young. You have started possibly a long journey together, enjoy it! Once you both have jobs, than will be time to see where you are both going and talk about it again.
Best,
E101
I been with my bf for 3 month, he wants to propose.i’m 21 nd hes 26. I dnt knw if i can accept that cause i’m dating the other guy.help me
What do I do? I have been with my boyfriend for the last 4 years. Before we lived with each other he told me that we will talk about engagement after I have lived with you for 1 year. Now it is going on 2 years living with him and now he is telling me that I have to finish school. I have a total of 3 years of school left. When I bring up engagement/marriage he gets mad and says I am pressuring him and it is not going to feel special when the time comes when he does do it. He tells me that if he had the money to buy the ring he would do it tomorrow but he can not financially do it right now. All of his friends in the past have waited 10 years to propose to their girlfriend and he feels like it is okay to wait that long to get engaged. However, for me I would like to start a family by 25-27, which means that I will only have a child after marriage. I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time :/ HELP!
Ive been in my relationship also lived for 11years with my boyfriend hes had two other kids during our six year mark then a long came my two kids he now has a total of six kids that he can barley support and ive been questioning him about marriage his sister his dad wants him to marry me but he somehow doesnt get the concept which has now made us very distant what am i to do