An interesting dilemma posted at Eve’s Dream today — a recently engaged woman is distraught that her relationship might be falling apart. She explains how it all happened when she got engaged. Shortly after the engagement her fiance expressed his wishes to prolong the wedding until he got a promotion and until they moved in together. She begrudgingly accepted, but things still only got worse:
Lately he’s been withdrawing into gaming (Xbox & WoW). He tells me that its because of his current leg injury that requires him to always be laying down, but im beginning to doubt that because he makes more time for playing the whole day and not even bothering to make me a 5 min call (then blames me for not calling)I know this is long but i really don’t know what to do. On one hand we’ve been engaged for only 4 months and the previous 3.5 years he has been reliable. On the other, after he proposed to me, he is withdrawing emotionally and I feel like he’s playing games. Plus the engagement is bringing out the worst in him. He seems to be taking everything he told me prior to this engagement back.
Most of the commenters advised her to get out of the relationship and that her fiance was just stringing her along, but let’s look at this from another angle. First of all, long-term engagements are perfectly normal, especially in this economy. It’s nothing to feel bad about, but it looks like the fiance in our story is scared to commit and is quickly retrieving out of fear. Long-term engagements only work if both couples are on the same page about waiting. If one couple is waiting on the other, then it doesn’t work.
If you’re in a similar dilemma, here are three tips to remember:
- Most men who propose do it because they want to. Eventually most men will comply, but if getting him to walk down the aisle is like pulling teeth, maybe you should find someone who actually wants to marry you.
- Make sure you both want the same things. If you’re content with your life, career and you’re ready to buy a house and have kids, but meanwhile he’s still in school struggling to find a job and pay off loans, then you might be more ready to settle down than he is. Try to take things like this into consideration.
- You can’t wait forever. Eventually if your instinct is telling you that it’s not working, then it’s time to move on. Sure it’s good to be open-minded and understanding in a relationship, but one partner shouldn’t have to wait on the other, especially if you’re waiting for more than three or four years. He’s not going to marry you. Move along.
What advice would you give in this scenario?