It’s all worth it…I promise you…but you’re in for a few surprises along the way.  I’ve seen more than my share of guys blindsided by a piece of information that jewelers and women seem to know on instinct…but fail to communicate to men because you’re just sort of supposed to know these things.  Consider this “the memo” you didn’t get.   (And honestly it’s not your fault.  We’ve done an awful job of letting you in on this non-secret.  Sorry, man.)

Something You Should Know…

The institution of marriage is steeped in symbolism and ceremony and rightly so…it’s a big deal.  The wedding dress…flowers…the cake…wedding parties…marriage vows…and of course the rings she’ll wear… are all part of the matrimonial gig.  Did you catch that?  I said “rings,” as in plural…as in more than one…as in traditionally you don’t just present her with an engagement ring…but you’ll need a matching wedding band as well.

And that’s the non-secret I’ve seen guys lose their cool over.  Most times it’s a deer in the head lights, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this?” glare at his fiancé.  Other times a long lost inner child surfaces and a full on temper tantrum ensues.  It’s not pretty…and definitely not the “roll with the punches” attitude we men are supposed to exude.  The whole reason my Buy Like a Guy Blog exists to help guys keep it in check as they enter the jewelry buying fray.  Hence this nugget of information.  Forewarned is forearmed.

OK…so why 2 rings?

You are most likely going to buy 2 rings before you get married because of the symbolism I mentioned earlier.  It shakes out like this:

• The Engagement Ring=”I want to marry you…and I hope you will wear this ring as a token of that pledge.  In short…you are taken…by me…a man that loves you above all others.”  She will wear this ring from the moment you drop down on that knee and ask her to marry you.
• The Wedding Ring=”We are now married.”  When placed next to the engagement ring it tells the world that you have exchanged vows…cut the cake…witnessed an over-served bridesmaid patch together a mumbled speech…and now you and she are “we.”  (A bit romantic and brave dontcha’ think?  I don’t think married people get enough credit in this world.)  She will wear this ring alongside her engagement ring until death do you part.

Stay on track.

Now that you know this bit of information I’m guessing you’re wondering how one goes about finding a matching wedding ring.  Honestly there is very little you need to do at this point to make that happen.  This is my advice:

• Find the engagement ring style she likes.  This isn’t as hard as it sounds since most women are more than willing to share their dream ring with their future husbands.  Refer to the emails, texts, brochures and information that is leaked to you by her friends, sisters, and various wish lists she’s created across the country.
• Select the engagement ring and buy it.  Use the previously mentioned information and buy the engagement ring that seems right for you.  (And her of course.)  You may not need to buy the matching wedding band right away.    Again…that’s a decision you can make on your own.
• Pop the question.  Ask her to marry you and make it memorable.  If you’re looking for some great ideas get online and see if anything grabs you.  There are several resources to help you make that moment of truth standout.  Start with The Yes Girls and see where it goes from there.
• Pick the matching wedding ring with her.  In most cases you’ll have X months before your wedding date.  Take a breath and enjoy being engaged for a bit…and then select her wedding ring based on how much time you have before your wedding date.  I like to say at least 6 months before…but it’s not a hard and fast rule by any means.  Thankfully most engagement ring designers have matching wedding rings ready to go so this may end up being much easier than you think. 

Finally, be prepared to find a ring that doesn’t necessarily “go” with her engagement ring.  If she likes it…and it looks good to you…go for it.  Remember…the wedding ring has a symbolism on it’s own.  Whether it’s a perfect match or something that compliments the engagement ring with a few differences…it doesn’t matter.  Do what feels right for YOU.

So?  Is this new information for you…or is it old hat?

Andy

Andy Koehn is the owner of Koehn & Koehn Jewelers, author of the Buy Like a Guy blog (A blog to help guys “man up” at the diamond counter.)  Feel free to contact him with questions or comments at andy@buylikeaguy.com.