Once you get engaged and start planning a wedding, you spend a lot of time talking about the future. Topics that used to be off the table are not at the forefront: money, families, houses… and babies. While it might not be the most fun conversation to have with your guy – or the sexiest – the kids’ chat is important for family planning and getting one another on the same page. But when should you have kids? And how many? Here’s how to have an open conversation without totally freaking out your guy:

Use Age As An Excuse

There is no right age when you should have a baby or a time that’s perfect compared to others. Studies recommend that women have children before the age of 40, while others claim that fertility really lessens past the age of 35. Every woman is different, and you can always request a fertility test from your gynecologist, if you’re curious. If you’re getting close to 35, you can say, “I know we’ve talked about having children and I’d ideally not wait too much longer to start our family, especially being 34. What are your thoughts?”

Talk About Finances

When you get married, you’ll probably have one joint bank account (even if you also each have one of your own), meaning you’ll probably talk about finances more than you’d like. When you come up with your budget and combined savings goal, discuss what types of things you’re saving for: “When we get to this amount, what will we use it for? Travel? College tuition for kids?” Estimates put the cost of raising a child from birth to 18, around $250K a child – before college.

Be Genuine

If you don’t want to beat around the bush, simply say: “I really want to have children one day, hopefully around this time and I’d love to have 3.”

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