Girl meets boy. Girl and boy have incredible chemistry. Girl and boy move quickly, but smartly. Boy introduces girl to family. Girl does the same. Boy starts hinting to engagement rings. Girl is beaming and ecstatic. Boy seems adorably nervous.
Girl misses her period. Girl sees two startling blue lines indicting a little boy or girl is on the way.
When you’re dating someone who could – and probably is! – the right guy, what do you do if suddenly the surprise isn’t an engagement but a baby? While at the time, it may seem like a prescription for disaster in your relationship, it could (and frankly, should) be something that brings you closer.
But how do you tell the man that you hope will wait for you on the other end of the aisle one day that the five-year plan you carved out together will need to change? Here’s how:
Figure Out What You Think
Before you can formulate the right way to tell the right guy about your pregnancy, it’s important to come to terms with how you feel about having a baby. Will you want to raise the child, regardless of what he says? Are you prepared for the worst outcome if he decides to walk away? Can you talk freely about how you feel about becoming a mother with him? How do you feel about being a mom? These are all crucial questions to ask and answer for yourself before you approach him with the big news.
Ease Into it – But Not Too Slowly
When you both walk into the door after a very long day at work, you’re hungry and you have to walk that cute puppy you bought together – maybe it’s not the best time to have a life-changing conversation. Instead, wait until you’re both relaxed and let him know there’s something important you need to discuss. Start by talking about how you feel about him (“I see myself spending the rest of my life with you and I think you feel the same”) and then announce your pregnancy along with how you feel about it (“I know we weren’t planning to have a baby any time soon, but there is no one I’d rather have a family with”). Then, get quiet! Yes, it’s hard – but by letting him do the talking, you allow him to feel comfortable expressing himself and really figure out how you both want to move forward.
Be Honest About Wanting to Get Married…
If you really do see yourself having happily-ever-after with your baby-to-be daddy, now is the time to be candid about your intentions. There’s a great chance he’s feeling the same way and while a surprise I-had-no-idea you were about to propose proposal may had been your fantasy, when you’re expecting, it may become less mandatory. (You know, since you have a changing body, a nursery to decorate, money to save, etc.) By being open about wanting to get hitched, you make your commitment even stronger. You will also give yourself time to plan a quick wedding if you want to be married pre-baby or let yourself off the hook of wedding planning to really enjoy the pregnancy if you decide you can want until post-baby (and baby weight!).
Don’t Just Get Married Because You’re Pregnant
It’s easy to see that picture perfect scene when you’re expecting, especially when you really do love the man. But if you weren’t sure about getting engaged before you found out you were pregnant, don’t let the literal “bump” in the road sway your hesitations. For your own happiness – and your baby’s – make sure he’s really the right husband and father you want to build a lifetime with.
By Aurora Brown
