Proposing is a big decision, and how you do it will always be remembered. If you’re thinking of involving your family and your future fiancee’s family, here are four things to keep in mind before you do that.

1. Don’t leave anyone out. It’s tough today when there are so many families that are divided. Maybe there was a messy divorce on one side, or a divorce in general, or remarried parents. Whatever the case, this isn’t a time to leave someone out. You are about to start your lives together. Don’t leave her sister out just because they recently had a big fight, or her dad out because he just got remarried. Find a way to involve everyone.

Exception: If there is someone that your wife-to-be does not get along with, or has been estranged from for a very long time, you may want to ask around before inviting that person to be a part of it. You don’t want the moment to be ruined by your girlfriend getting upset (in a bad way).

2. Make sure they know the [gist of the] plan. When proposing and involving other people, the plan can get sticky. People can end up in the wrong place, or do something that they’re not supposed to. This is the time to be a control freak. Make sure they all know your plan, or enough of it where they won’t mess it up by saying something too soon or being in the wrong place. This is your moment with your significant other, so make sure everyone else follows your lead.

3. Take jokesters into account. Everyone has at least one in their family– the one who wants to be the center of attention and put his/her two-cents in to take some of the spotlight. If you are that person, you have nothing to worry about. However, if you aren’t– make sure you, or someone else, has a talk with that brother/cousin/parent/aunt so they know that this is your moment. If it stresses you out too much, try to find a way to give that person a moment of spotlight so he/she doesn’t have to steal it to get it.

4. Immediate or Extended? The big decision is deciding just how much family you want to involve. You can’t invite just one set of grandparents and not the other. Same goes for aunts/uncles/cousins/nieces/nephews… the list goes on. You have to choose immediate family or extended family, and if you choose extended you have to make sure that you don’t leave anyone out. You don’t want to invite one set of cousins and have another feel left out because they didn’t get the memo. So, if you go extended, make sure you have a way to get a hold of her entire family as well.

Have any more advice? Please comment and share!

Emily