I don’t know about you, but it seems to me proposing is more than a step towards marriage. It’s not just a huge commitment or life decision, but a moment in time where there’s so much hanging in the balance. Even in a “perfect relationship” there is the chance that she just might say no.

How do you prepare? Sadly, I’m no expert. I mean, come on, do you really think there’s a way of figuring out if the odds are in your favor? I really think it all comes down to the girl.

However, maybe there are a few things you can do to see if she’s thinking marriage without giving up your surprise. Here are my three suggestions.

Ladies, you can also use these if you feel the need to drop a hint. 

1. Use the phrase “if we were married”. Just so you are aware, if she’s not ready this could send the girl running. But if you want to really test the waters, then do this. If you’re having a conversation about a house she wants, or taking a class together, or truly anything, drop it as casually as you possibly can. “If we were married that house would be the perfect size for us, don’t you think?”

2. Talk to her friends and/or family. Keep in mind that if you do this, there’s a 99% chance it will get back to her. Tread as carefully as possible. Mention how long you’ve been together, or ask if she’s ever talked about a certain wedding she loved or ring she desired… or make something up. “One of my friends from [high school, college, work] just got engaged and I’m totally excited for him.” Present this to a girl friend, perhaps, that is in a relationship and ask if she’s thought of marriage. More than likely she will bring up your significant other, or the conversation can take that turn.

If she’s close with her parents, odds are they will know if she’s mentioned it or not. If this doesn’t work, go to her closest relative and bring it up. Hopefully in the family there’s a lesser chance of it getting back to her, but in order for it to be so talk to as few people as possible.

3. Talk openly about marriage. If dropping hints isn’t your forte, or you just want an open discussion, then bring it up. If she’s ready, this will be a wonderful moment that gets the wheels turning. If she isn’t, then at least you’ve done this in a safe way so you got a reasonable idea of when she will be ready.

Chin up, friends! One way or another this will lead to a happy ending!

Emily