Even if you’ve been dating your man for years, there is nothing less sexy than bringing up the topic of money. It’s a touchy subject matter and depending on how you approach the conversation, you can either really start to understand each other’s backgrounds or you can easily push him away. Like it or not, getting engaged and having a wedding costs way more than a few pretty pennies, so lack of funds can really shape the timing of your nuptials.
But is it an excuse your guy can really use to delay proposal… for what feels like forever?
Maybe. According to a study in summer of 2012, the average wedding in the United States costs nearly $27, 000 – not including the engagement ring. And if you’re guy is following typical traditional standards, he’ll fork over three months of his salary (pre-tax) for your diamond.
So how do you know if you should let your guy off the hook – and give him at least a little more room to grow his funds? Check out these tips below to guide you.
Money Excuse #1: “Babe, I just have so many student loans.”
Depending on how high of a degree your guy obtained, he can walk around from several thousand to several hundreds of thousands of dollars that can take up to a decade to fully pay off. Your man is probably feeling the weight and the pressure of not only getting himself out of debt, but also figuring out how he can build a future (a home, a new car) for the both of you while climbing out. It’s unlikely he’ll want to make yet another investment in a ring and a fancy wedding before feeling like he’s financially sturdy, or at least has a stable income.
The Solution: If you’re less concerned about getting married right now and just want to know your guy has a solid life-long commitment to your relationship, have a heart-to-heart. If you take wedding planning off the table (and put it on the back-burner for later), your boyfriend will feel more comfortable proposing because he knows the pressure to pay for a wedding is offloaded for a few more years.
Money Excuse #2: “Sweetie, how can we get married when I don’t even have a job?”
Even though it’s tough to swallow and accept – this is probably the most valid of any money hesitation your guy could have. With unemployment rates still soaring, getting married when only one of you has a stable paycheck is not a great foundation to build a marriage on. It also could lead to more fighting, arguments and ultimately, be disastrous to your relationship.
The Solution: Regardless of how long you’ve been together, if your boyfriend is actively seeking employment and doing his very best to get his life together, now is not the time to add one more responsibility on him. While you may have a job you love and an apartment you pay for, your boyfriend hasn’t been as lucky so far. Now is the time for you decide how long you’re willing to wait for his ducks to get in a row, and if it’s at least a year or so, take this time to develop your commitment to one another. And if you’re feeling creative, propose with a 25 cent ring to let him know you’re in it for the long run – and so he knows he’ll probably be buying the real deal someday.
Money Excuse #3: “Darling, weddings are so expensive. Is that really what we want to spend our money on right now?”
Here’s a toughie – you’re ready to invest financially and emotionally in your relationship, but your guy is hesitant and he’s hiding behind money. Unless you’re both really well off or come from a family who can pay for your nuptials, it’s never going to be the absolute best time to spend thousands of dollars on your big day, but if you’re boyfriend really does want to marry you, he won’t keep delaying it based on dollar signs.
The Solution: It’ll be hard, but give him an ultimatum of when you want to get engaged and when you see yourself getting married. If he does say he wants to be with you forever, he will step up. If he’s simply not ready to get married, you’ll have to approach that bridge and figure out how long you’re willing to give him to make up his mind. Either way, make sure to consider what’s important to you and hold him to your standards.
By Aurora Brown