He’s mentioned her from time-to-time. He sees her occasionally, too. You’ve seen old pictures of them together and as much as you’d like to not admit it, she’s actually pretty. They used to date (and possibly mate) and you’re not sure how you feel about it.
What’s the new girlfriend to do when the old flame is still in the picture? When your boyfriend is more than just Facebook friends with his ex-girlfriend, how do you make yourself comfortable? And how do you know when it’s appropriate to ask him to sever ties? Read our tips below to navigate the bump land of relationships from yesteryear that seem to linger into today:
How long were they together?
The length of the past relationship can be a great way to figure out the nature of their current friendship. Couples who were together for several years may find it easy to transition to being just friends because they know each other so well. However, shorter relationships could have ended abruptly – or may have unfinished business that was never resolved.
Why did they break up?
It’s important to talk to your man about why his last relationships ended. Even if you’re scared of the answer (What if he cheated? What if he was totally different with her than with me?) – it’s healthy to talk about the past when you’re building your future together. Sometimes, couples simply grow apart or the passion fizzles and if this is the case with your boyfriend’s ex, it may make sense that they remain friends because the romantic connection withered. However, if she ended things with him, there could be the possibility that he has leftover feelings he’s resolving by keeping communication open.
How does he talk about her to you?
If your man is open and relaxed when talking about his friendship with his ex, it’s very likely that he doesn’t have anything to hide. His tone can show that while they were together, they aren’t anymore (he’s with you, after all!), and his intentions with her are simply platonic. On the other hand, if he doesn’t tell you he saw her until after the fact, doesn’t want to open up about the depth of their friendship or gets defensive when you express concerns and being uncomfortable, then he may not be completely honest about the nature of their time together.
What does your gut say?
While you may know all there is to know about your ex’s relationship and you may have a pretty good idea about what type of person his latest girlfriend is – the thing you can trust the most is your gut. If something feels off or makes you uneasy, the best thing you can do is talk to your guy. If he’s the right man for you – one who deserves to spend the rest of his life by your side – then he’ll do whatever will make you happy. Even if that means cutting off communication to a woman he used to love.
By Aurora Brown
