Ask Andy: I Want to Upgrade My Ring, How do I Ask Him?


Q:  My boyfriend gave a small 0.25 carat ring. He´s not incredibly wealthy, but I’m getting negative comments from my wealthier family. Does it really mean he doesn’t love me enough?Is there a polite way to tell him I want an upgrade???? Thank you

upgrade your engagement ring

A: How’s about I answer your question with some questions of my own?  (I think it’s called the Socratic Method.  Don’t take that to the bank but it makes me sound kinda smart, doesn’t it?)

So riddle me this:

●        Does this man love you?

●        Do you think the size of the diamond is equal to the size of his love for you?

●        If he DOUBLES the size of the diamond to a ½ carat…will that “love” be big enough for you?

●        How big does the diamond need to be for you to know he loves you “enough”?

●        Is your families opinion of him directly tied to the size of the diamond?  (If so…maybe you should find another family.)

●        While we’re at it…would you mind explaining how one measures the size of “love”?

Why don’t we just cut to the chase and admit that YOU want a bigger rock.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that…but be honest about the “why” of it.  That way…should you come to the conclusion that, “Yes.  I want an upgrade,” you’re discussion with your fiance’ will be honest and probably less awkward.  (On that note: Always be honest with him.  That’s a bit of marital advice that you CAN take to the bank.)

As far as your last question, “Is there a polite way to tell him you want an upgrade?” No. (Sorry.)

One final bit of insight.

I made a cheesy video some time back about “the ring” and what it really means in my opinion.  Maybe it will help you if/when you ask for a bigger diamond.

Good luck!  (And please let me know how it turns out.)


Andy Koehn is the owner of Koehn & Koehn Jewelers, author of the Buy Like a Guy blog, and as he puts it, “The only woman/mom without a vagina.”

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