Want to know what goes on in your guy’s mind? Ask our expert Andy!
Q: Tom and I moved in together in my place two months ago. I love him but seriously what’s with leaving dirty dishes everywhere and the SOCKS? Can’t his friends call before showing up to the door? How can I get control back over the clicker and all the other things? He is getting comfortable that’s great but maybe a little too much. The furniture he brought is just horrid. Sarah.
A: Interesting questatement, Sarah. (I just invented that word. It’s a combo question/statement which is what I see here.) I’m going to respond by asking you to do something with me: I’d like you to relax and picture you and I meeting in an out of the way brass rail pub. We’ll exchange pleasantries, order a couple of Guinness’, and hunker down at a corner table to talk about your new living arrangement. Is the picture clear? Good…let’s continue.
You’ll regale me with stories of dirty dishes and socks as I drain my first pint. I’ll order another and calmly ask you for Tom’s cell phone number. Do you want to know why? Because I’m going to call him and tell him to pack up his sh*t and get out! That would pretty much solve your problem, dontcha’ think? No more socks…or dirty dishes…unannounced friends, and best of all no boyfriend hanging about all comfortable and whatnot. You can have the place all to yourself. Problem solved. Check please!
I suppose that’s a little harsh but I’m trying to make a point about things like stray socks and ugly furniture. Are these kinds of things so important that you want Tom to get out?My guess is the answer is a resounding, NO. And that my dear friends is called perspective, which is really, really important when it comes to relationships.
That’s great Andy, but it doesn’t address the annoyances that come along with horrid furniture now does it?
No, but it’s a start. We live in a nanosecond society that has all but eliminated the need for patience. (Last I checked that was still a virtue. I’ll Google it and find out if that’s still true.) We are conditioned to get what we want, when we want it…which is usually NOW. That may fly in Vegas, but it’s completely out of step when it comes to life and love. You can’t download a long lasting, “til death do us part,” relationship. “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and neither is the kind of couple most of us wish to become.
You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s the old couple we seldom notice but somehow all understand. They are connected because over time they learned how to deal with dirty dishes…socks…clicker issues (Viagra)…and things far worse. It’s an unending transition that they face together…because they are a couple. If that’s what you want…and I hope you do…then understand that dreams like this take time, understanding, a well bitten lip, no small amount of arguing, and most of all, perspective.
Be patient with each other as you move forward through this world and don’t meet strange red heads in bars to bitch about socks and your overly comfortable better half. Talk to HIM about the things that bug you…but put the “clicker” down. That’s a man thing.
Addendum: I read something last night that is practical and useful that I’d like to pass on. “If you’re not specific about what you expect, you’ll always get something you don’t expect.” (Or something like that. Be clear with that man, and ask him to do the same.)
Andy Koehn is the owner of Koehn & Koehn Jewelers, author of the Buy Like a Guy blog, and as he puts it, “The only woman/mom without a vagina.”
Photo By Ambro