You’re Engaged! Here’s How to Tell the Folks

 

On a crisp fall day or a steamy summer afternoon. After dating throughout college or only a few very intense, incredibly passionate months. While you’re living together or when you’re still using his keys to get into his place. When you’re 35 or 24, with or without children. When you’re feeling your best or sporting your pair of sweatpants that miraculously still fit from high school. When you’re least expecting it and when he’s been dropping so many hints, your gut just knew what was coming.

You’ll never know why it happened when it did – but one day, the time will be right. And that moment strikes on that very special day, the man that you waited and hoped for, for so very long, will drop to his knee (or not) and ask you to be his wife. It’ll be a day in your personal history that you’ll never forget, and those memories will live on in your grandchildren and their children.

Tell your parents first

Step one on the way to planning the big ‘ol day is telling your family. And his family. And then everyone else. It can be a tricky situation, and something that can be difficult to plan out. Here’s how to do it:

If you’re a traditional type of gal, it might be safe to assume that your dad knows about your engagement before anyone else, since your guy asked for your hand in marriage. Regardless though – the news that you’re engaged is one big, bold headline that you only get one chance to share. Since parents will end up paying for some of and in some cases, all of the wedding costs – and you know, they raised you! – it’s important to tell them before anyone else.

If you can, tell them in person

“Ideally, you should share your engagement news together, in person,” says Jenev Caddell, relationship expert and psychologist. “If because of distance telling them in person isn’t possible, pick up the phone! And don’t put anything on social channels until you’ve reached all of the in-laws or it could cause tension. When a couple decides to wed, their relationship should become the focal relationship in their lives. The primary relationship will no longer be with either parent, best friend, sister, aunt cousin or anyone else, but with each other. By sharing this news as a team, a couple is implicitly also giving the message that their partner is now number one.”

Tell your family and your future in-laws together

Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship expert and author of, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great agrees with Caddel: “Telling family and future in-laws together is a fun and celebratory time. The important message is to use a “we” statement when you announce it: ‘We are ready to take our relationship to the next stage’ instead of ‘I’m engaged!’ is important.”

By Aurora Brown

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