Want to know what goes on in your guy’s mind? Ask our expert Andy!
Q: How do I get my boyfriend to propose? We have been dating 2 years and it is about time.
A: First I want to congratulate you on asking the mother of all questions when it comes to this subject. This is a 6 or 7 Guinness question…meaning I have to drink 6 or 7 beers to try to find a suitable answer. (Who am I kidding? When I drink 7 Guinness’ I typically fall asleep after several feeble attempts to “connect” with my wife.)
Regardless…I think I’ve actually come up with a four part answer to this unanswerable question.
1. Stop talking about getting engaged. The tone of your question leads me to believe that you have dropped several not-so-subtle hints about the whole engagement thing. Maybe you mentioned your best friend’s engagement ring? If that’s true stop it. The more you talk about it the less he hears you. Trust me…the first time you brought it up it went in his brain and stayed there.
2. Tell ‘em to zip it. When your friends/relatives so much as hint at the subject of marriage to him tell ’em to zip it. You may think your bestie is helping you by giving him sh*t about getting the milk for free, but it’s the exact opposite. He’ll feel like you’re ganging up on him…which means pressure…and no one likes to make a decision from a pressure point. BONUS: When he feels like you’re in his corner he’s going to think you walk on water. He may even wonder why you’ve had a sudden change of heart. Neither of these is a bad thing.
3. Let them talk. It’s been 2 years and people are beginning to talk, right? So what…let them talk. I know it’s hard not to care about what other people think but you’ll be altogether better off if you can master this gift. When you get right down to it it’s really none of their business. Even if they want the best for you, they don’t have to go home to him every night…or fold his underwear…or try to stretch the bank account with him…or listen to him snore and fart while he sleeps. Love can be a messy business that requires your full on focus, but it’s worth it when you pull it off. So let them talk while you focus on your relationship…not what they would do if they were you.
4. Own it. The bottom line is that everyone’s situation is their own…and you need to own YOURS. (I doubt you expected THIS kind of advice, huh?) Seriously…own your relationship with him the way it is now and be thankful for it. Notice the good things…ignore the bad…and your situation will change for the better. Trust me on this one. (And let me know I’m right down the road. I live for that kind of thing.)
So there you have it dear reader. A four part answer to one that has plagued woman-kind for centuries. (Actually I have no idea if that’s true or not…but it sound more epic when I present it that way.)
Andy
Andy Koehn is the owner of Koehn & Koehn Jewelers, author of the Buy Like a Guy blog, and as he puts it, “The only woman/mom without a vagina.”
Try 5 years with his son on the way. Ha! I got u beat girl. LOL. Mr. Koehn was on the money with this one. Even celebrity couples are waiting more than 2 years of the relationship to get married. It has to happen in God’s time. No other explanation for it. In the meantime, you just continue to love the one you’re with and appreciate the blessing to have found someone you can put up with that puts up with you.
This is kind of ironic, Angel. I was driving this morning and thinking of all the possible scenarios in peoples lives that might change my answer. Of course children in the picture came to mind. You just answered MY question! Thanks and congrats. (Kids don’t change anything. Ha!) (And that was a friendly “Ha!”)
If your bf wants to propose he will, if he doesn’t want to propose he won’t. BUT I must say that any man that says he doesn’t believe in marriage won’t change his mind just because you’re so f-ing wonderful. You’ll just waste 10 years running after a man that doesn’t want to get caught. If he doesn’t believe in marriage move on and find a man that does. I say if he hasn’t proposed by 3 years then say that you have to move on because you don’t want to stay with a man that can’t realize after 3 years that you’re worth marrying.
i’ve bn in a relationship for 2yrs plus n my boyfriend sister say am too old to married her brother dat @ my age 40 i can’t ve a child for him,but my boyfriend is still dating me he has said anything 2 me. What should i do.
Well first and foremost it is him to whom you should ask the question not his sis. Having a child or not and how is a decision every couple in a long time relationship has to make.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have been to countless weddings together, the most recent for his step-sister. I used to talk about getting married until I realized that the pressure of marriage was less than beneficial to our relationship and the important thing is to be happy for what we already have. One day, we will be married, and until then, i want to enjoy our time. He’s mentioned things about wanting to be married in the past. The ringer is, at his step-sister’s wedding, he started talking about what he wants at OUR wedding, yadayada.. So now my question is, if he is talking about what he wants at our wedding (and we’re not engaged yet) What am I supposed to think of this? Should i just brush it off and keep my mouth shut until it happens? Should i not get my hopes up that it will happen soon?
I agree with “admin” above. The decision or desire to get married is squarely between the 2 of you. Parts of point #2 above apply here in my opinion. It’s reversed a bit because his sister is saying NOT to get married…but isn’t that ultimately up to you and him to decide? Yes. Yes it is. (And if you love him and he loves you and you’re not engaged to be married…be happy for what you DO have. That sort of applies to every part of life, dontcha’ think?)
Ive known my boyfriend for 11 years. We have been dating for 2 years now and we have a beautiful 8 month old baby boy together. He has gave me a few rings in the past but when I ask why he is just giving me rings and not along there big question he says that day will come someday… I am the only girl he has ever been serious with and he swears I’m the one for him… Why hasn’t he proposed yet?
KayKay….Why are you still with someone who after 11 YEARS! has not married you? You can lay down and have sex with him 365 days of every year and now you are have his baby!!?? Huuummm….if he has not done it now, he won’t sorry but you deserve soooo much better. It sound like he has all the control in that part of the relationship. He either is waiting for something better or you have not set standards for yourself in terms of what you want and besides he knows you are not going anywhere. Trust me I have seen it time and time again. Old saying, “Why buy the cow when you ae getting the milk for free”
my boyfriend and i have been together for 19 years and i love hem but we still haveint even gooton married yet and im really sad abo????????????
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs. I am 26 and he is 27 yrs old. I have been mentioning I wanna get married and I know he wants to too but idk if he wants to right now. But the problem is even after wedding talks and even looking at rings together he still hasn’t pooped the question. I don’t know what to do as I feel as if he just will have me waiting forever. Oh and now days every time I mention it he says “babe just wait it will happen your just ruining it”. So my question is should I stop talking about it and be happy for my relationship (fyi its been a yr since we have looked at rings) or should I just pull away so he knows what he is missing.
[...] him to propose. I gave a not-quite-perfect, but somewhat useful answer in a previous post called, “How do I get my boyfriend to propose?” It may answer some of your questions as [...]
ugh! I know exactly how you feel Alvarez. I’ve been with my bf oficially together 2 1/2 yrs(dating him since one yr plus that) We’ve been living together for about a yr and a 1/2. He’s 28, Im 24. We’ve looked at rings, he has even asked me what kind of shape I liked better(a yr ago)!! I’ve mentioned that I don’t want to have kids before getting married and that I won’t have kids either after Im 30, so I guess I pretty much have made myself clear. He swears Im the one, otherwise he wouldn’t be with me, but he just doesn’t pop out the question!! I truly love him, I just don’t want to wait until Im 30, not married and not having the opportunity to have children, not even with someone else.
Alvarez- I’ve been thinking of your same questions too!
I have recently turned 30 my boyfriend just turned 23 we have been together for just over a year. He has told all our friends that he loves me and I’m the one for him and he is going to marry me, he has been doing this since we were together for about 3 or 4 months. Our parents just recently met and they get along great. My problem is I feel like even though he wants to marry me he keeps putting off engagement, if I bring it up he comes up with this whole pressure story and I think he has said the same thing to some of our friends. I feel pressure that it’s not gonna happen and that he’s just gonna keep putting it off, because at one point he was like oh I’m not gonna wait then he says he is gonna wait for another year……he’s all over the map and my whole family is pressuring me! If he knows I’m the one (and he says he does 100%) why is he sooo afraid to propose or take that step??? I feel sooo stalled, I feel like this is our next step and he’s just gonna keep putting it off. He also said when he went by my parents house he was gonna talk to my dad about it but he said my dad wasn’t very talkative and was short with him so he didn’t. I think it’s his responsibility to call my dad not just happen to be stopping by and waiting for a good chance to ask him. Any suggestions???
Stupid remark! All the remarks are for the advantage of guys. If they are not ready to propose then they should go find a one night stand. I hate all these artcles teaching how not to pressure men. But it’s ok for men to ask it all in relationship from women but don’t like the be “pressured” for something real. What the F?
Men love everything free with no obligations! ladies if your men haven’t proposed to you and it’s been a while, drop the looser and find yourself a reall man! Don’t listen to all these nonsense articles of how careful to be not to scare off a guy.. come on! are you kidding me? These guys get comfortable with you and having you around all the time. So why marry you? They have you just how and where they want you and there is no reason to commit! These articles are stupid! Why women always have to be careful? It’s what they deserve and if the man is serious he will value that! There is no such thing as be careful so that you won’t scare off these men? what are they wild animals that you have to approach them slowly otherwise they will run away? If that’s who they are then let them go and find someone better!
OK…SO HERE’S THE DEAL WITH ME ADAM…I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BF FOR 3YRS NOW. WE HAVE A GORGEOUS 1YR OLD DAUGHTER NOW. BUT WHEN SHE WAS 6MTHS HE STARTED TALKING TO HIS EX BEHIND MY BACK LIKE I WOULDN’T FIND OUT. THEN HE GOT MAD WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY…HE LACKS COMMUNICATION AND INTEREST IN ME. EVERYONE SAYS I SHOULD JUST BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I REALLY LOVE HIM. SO PLEASE HELP ME…WHAT SHOULD I DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER SO HE WILL PROPOSE. BTW WE’RE BOTH 21 AND HE SAYS WE’RE TOO YOUNG 2 GET MARRIED…BUT WE WEREN’T TOO YOUNG 2 HAVE A BABY HUH? I JUST REALLY NEED HELP 2 EITHER GET OVER HIM OR TO TRY AND BTTER OUR RELATIONSHIP…PLEASE HELP ME ANDY.
SORRY I STARTED OFF CALLING YOU ADAM…I MEANT ANDY…IM JUST SO DISTRAUGHT.