The question to this age-old debate seems to never have a concise answer. How long should you wait before getting engaged? No one can really give an exact number. After all, not every couple is the same and not every couple is going through the same predicaments. But most relationship experts give a time line somewhere between 7-9 months.
What do you think? How long should you wait before getting engaged?
7-9 months??! That’s way too fast. I would say a year or two. Definitely no longer than 4 years or so.
Definitely not 7-9 months! Who wrote that? I think one year is enough time. My boyfriend and I currently going on 3+ years of waiting
!! But..someday he’ll propose. Someday!
Relationship Experts? What expert in the world would suggest that!? CROCK.
I think 12 months is enough time. I don’t see the reason to rush into it. My fiance and I waited a year and half. To be honest, I knew I wanted to marry him around month 2. LOL! But we decided to wait and make sure we truly wanted to be committed to each other. I mean marriage is a huge thing, it’s not some kind of game of who can snag a man the fastest. You should definitely slow down and take your time.
Well my boyfriend and I met at a wedding, dated for a month then broke up for different life reasons, 6 months later reconnected and began talking, started going out 3 weeks ago officially and are now looking at rings. Looking back, i knew it was love at first sight as did he, once you know you know! You absolutely want to know about a person as much as you can, that’s why we are doing pr-marriage counseling with our pastor, as for that gut feeling, starry eyed, heart thumping, can’t live without you feeling… well it happens for everyone at different times. So go with your heart!
7-9 months is absolute crap. Not that I’m saying people that do that are in the wrong, but I feel like to truly know someone well enough to marry them, you have to have been dating at LEAST a year/year and a half. My boyfriend and I were dating over two years before the subject was seriously discussed, and I feel like we’re on much more solid ground because of it
7-9 months?? Sounds like a celebrity “whirlwind romance!” …. and we all know how THose turn out! I would say somewhere around the year and a half mark because then you have to plan the wedding and everything which gives you another maybe 4-6 months with your fiance, so by the time you get married you’ve actually been with him for 2 years, maybe even more.
It seems to be a short amount of time to get to know one another. I suppose every relationship is different, but I think 2 years would be appropriate. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 9 years. We got together in Junior High, yeah 8th grade and lasted through college. We are not currently engaged, but I am popping the question this year in December. If you leave it up to a man, sometimes it’ll never get done. My question is, when is long, too long to wait for a proposal? lol.
A load of crap? I don’t think so. I knew 1 month in that this was the man I wanted to marry and I let him know that I would know if I wanted a commitment within 6 months, now we’re engaged. If you know, you know. Why waste your time with someone who’s wasting yours?
I think that 7-9 months is far too fast. You haven’t had a chance to experience everything with that person yet. I say at the LEAST a year before getting engaged. Because otherwise there will be many problems in your relationship because of the quick decision to get hitched. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we have just now started looking at rings. I am confident that we have waited just the right amount of time to be completely sure 100% that we would work through anything rather than go through a divorce.
I have to say that sounds a little fast but when you know you know. I’ve been dating my boyfriend almost four years and he still hasn’t popped the question yet. I’m almost tired of waiting and worring if he’s wasting my time.
No one can put a time on love. If its 2 months, 2 years, or however long, only the two in the relationship know when they are ready. Why let someone drag you along for years and years?! Thats wasting time and 9 times out of 10 he’s wasting yours and his time. When you find that one, trust me, you both will know!
@Tiffany & Vanessa…
Personally, I’ve always said I can’t date someone for 4 years. After that much time you should know your partner well enough to make a decision on whether or not you want to spend your life with them. Also, think about it.. “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” Generally speaking, if a man figures he’s already getting EVERYthing from you, then why would he feel the need to marry you?
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years all through high school and college (includes greek life) and we are still not engaged, we have been living together for almost 4 years, but I am soo old school I dont have the guts to propose to him nor do I bring it up, although my family and his family do. I already know we are happy and we are gonna be together, we have gone through a lot. Being engaged and married doesnt really change anything.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we’ve talked about marriage and he keep saying he wants to marry me but he haven’t purchased a ring. I don’t believe in asking a man to marry me and I don’t believe in shaking up especially if I don’t have a ring. I’m not looking for a big azz diamond because I don’t wear much jury so something small is good for me.
I think 7-9 months is way too fast. I did that and the marriage ended in divorce. I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months. I knew the moment I met him that he was “the one”. Everytime I look at him my heart beats a lil faster, I get butterflies in my stomach and can’t imagine my life without him. And to be completely honest I never felt that way about my ex-husband. He wanted the marriage and it was a now or never thing with him and stupid young me decided better do it. This time around I am taking my time and getting to know my man BEFORE I marry him.
Studies show that infatuation can last up to 2 years. Why not wait to see what the two of you are like together AFTER the infatuation (the butterflies and thinking he is perfect) goes away? That’s what most of your married life will be like anyway. Besides, don’t you want to truly KNOW the man you marry? 7-9 months just won’t cut it. sorry
I think the best gauge is the level of life experience for each person. When I was 20, I was engaged to the man I had been best friends with for 2 years, but we got engaged after only 2 months. I see now we were too young to know how to have an adult marriage. Now, I’ve been dating a 29 year old Army serviceman, & after 4 months, we definitely both knew this was what we wanted forever. We’re not engaged yet, but after 6 months, we know it’s in the near future, & I’ve never felt so certain of anything. Being older definitely makes you wiser, & that, well, that’s the best gauge of certainty there is.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 yrs before he popped the question. Hes in the army and for a yr of our relationship he was overseas. We only saw each other once or twice a month for the weekend before he left and we knew we would work bc we survived the distance. We knew after 6 months and he asked me if i would want to get married i told him i wanted to wait till after his deployment cause I wanted to make sure we could manage. & months is not too fast when you know you just know.
Truly it does depend on the couple. Some people are not comfortable with quick engagements. I personally have a 1yr policy before marriage. (not engagement) It’;s good to see a person in all 4 seasons, with all the holidays and crazy family events.
I’m not saying people can’t get married quickly and be happy, it’s just that you don’t really know the person that well. (Unless you are completely dedicated to make it work no matter what.)
Though, in some ways I can see why some cultures still have arranged marriages. No dating hassles! I’ve told my boyfriend this and he just laughs, but it’s true.
ive been with my partner for just over 4 years and we are still not engaged, we also have a child together do you think i should be worried, (cause I am) what do you think i should do? please help???
7-9 months doesnt seem too bad to get engaged in. However, I dont believe you should get married until you’ve been together at least 3years. I’ve heard within 3years the lusty chemicals in your brain that make you feel adoration stop manufacturing so things become in perspective. I think you should also always feel a warm sense inside of yourself for the person you’re with, though or it’s not real love, because real love shouldnt fade.
i think if that person does love that other person a lot they can get endaged and then get marry
My parents got engaged during the 7-9 month mark and have been married over 30 years, but I know they put a lot of work into it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and aren’t getting engaged anytime soon (as far as I know). I know that when he does ask me, I’ll say yes, and I know that someday he will ask me. I also know that I wouldn’t wait 4 years…I feel really bad for women who wait 6-15 years with a guy who just doesn’t see the point. If you can’t get a proposal without a lot of heavy hinting after 4 years, move on. The exception to this is when one or both of you are still in school. My man’s been engaged before and she broke his heart, so I know not to push him if he’s not ready. Every couple is different, every woman know’s what her own tollerance is if she’s honest with herself. But I agree that in the modern world less than a year tends to be too short and lead to problems.
I think there are a few things that every couple should experience before getting engaged: seeing one another in stressful and calm situations; spending a significant amount of time together and apart; discussing issues like faith, financial, and political dispositions; and really considering how the future is going to look (location, children, raising children, habits-at-home, etc).
My boyfriend and I got to know each other via email/chat/phone then met each other in person. We’ve gotten to know each other really well within the two something months since we first met. We aren’t there just yet, but we both think it’s going to be a very short dating period before engagement then marriage. I’m of the disposition that when you know, you know.
Also, depending on a persons dating history I think this is a good way to go. Some people really fly by the seat of their pants and should be careful when making such big decisions. But for him and I, we’ve both been single and picky for a long time, so we trust our instinct.
Whew – long post!
i honestly dont think a ring and commitment has anything to do with divorce if you love someone you never stop trying and caring , when you say i do , you sign your life to that person , your suppose to do everything possible to make it work. i dont believe in divorce at all .
I agree with everyone who said they knew right away. I knew 2 weeks I loved him I knew 2 months I wanted to marry him. Just becuase we get engaged at 7 months doesnt mean we are getting married at 7 months. Engagment isnt the end of dating. If you have a year long engagment then you have a year and 7 months you have been with that person. It will either work or it wont and if you have signs it wont then dont get engaged. It doesnt matter on time for engagment. Marriage is something that will come after..therefor giving you more time.
For me personally, I would want to wait at least a year from the time we first date to the time of engagement. I think that’s sufficient time to get to know someone in different settings or situations. It doesn’t mean you stop learning about your partner once you get married though…you still work through it. Also, marriage is not just about the heart – not just about how you “feel” around the person – it also involves the head, i.e. making sound judgments about them, determining your compatibility etc.
I think it totally depends on the couple. I am divorced after 21 years and he has never been married. I am now 44 years old and would not date over a year without some type of commitment. At 38, after my divorce, I met a wonderful guy and dated for 5 years…no engagement or commitment. I will not devote that much time to another relationship..time is ticking. However, if you are young and getting to know each other in different phases of life, you will probably benefit from a longer courtship.
Let´s face it, when can you really get to know someone?? We have all heard of stories of guys that gave a 180º turn once they got married… Even after being with that person for 2+ years. So it doesn´t matter how many years you have spent with that person, what really matters is how much time out of those years you have spent together, “tried” to anticipate his response, and know just enough of him. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months, and he lives in a different country, and since month one I knew I wanted to be with him for ever and always. I think that my ring will come in december, and hope for a spring wedding. Every relationship is an exception to the rule that applies to someone else!! I know mines is!!
I think 1 year is enough. Actually, I’ve been in three relationships (2 years, 6 years, 1 year) and I think that, if you aren’t at least thinking about marriage by 6 months to 1 year, you should cut your losses and move on. I felt any of my girlfriends were “the One,” and the feeling never really developed. I think you ought to know near the start whether there’s any possibility.
I’ve been in a relationship for 6yrs lived together for 5of those yrs we now have two daughters together… sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. But he says things like we will grow old together I’m the only one for him. .I do believe him I just don’t understand why we aren’t married yet.
I just wanted to say after reading everyones post that relationships vary so much there is no right or wrong answer for length of engagement. My mom met my dad when she was already engaged to her boyfriend of a year, and her wedding invitations were in the mail. My dad was the car salesman who sold my grandma a car when my mom was with her, my grandma liked my dad and invited him over for dinner. My dad took my mom dancing the next night, and asked her to marry him, that was their second date. My mom said yes, broke it off with her fiancee, and married my dad a month later. They have been together for 30 years this July.
Meanwhile…I have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5years and no ring. So you cant predict a set time for dating before marriage, its allover the spectrum!
Wow! Whitlp’s story of her parents’ marriage is pretty amazing. I also feel like it differs for everyone. A lot of the only happy marriages I know nowadays are the ones that knew each other for like a month or 2, got married by month 4, and now have been together 30 years. My own parents knew each other since middle/high school, dated since undergrad, moved together overseas to get married and finish grad school together. So they knew each other over 10 years before they got married at 27. Although they’re still together after over 30 years, they’ve been unhappy for most of the time.
As for me and my guy, on the other hand, we met through the same group of friends back in 2007, but we were just all friends. Apparently he liked me back then, but he didn’t have the nerve to ask me out. He did mention that he liked me a lot to a mutual male friend that I was close with. He asked if the mutual friend was interested in me, and this friend said no, but within a week, asked me out. We dated 3 years until early 2010. At the beginning of this year, my now-guy, who had moved overseas in 2009 but we had always kept in touch online, confessed all of this to me. We began talking seriously online through skype, and within 1 month, he brought up marriage. Four months later, he took all his vacation days to visit me, and officially proposed. We’re getting married early next year.
So, I’ve known my fiance as a friend for years, and apparently he’s been after me for years, but we haven’t officially dated for that long. As being afraid of marriage before due to my parents’ bad experiences, he’s made me feel things that I never felt before in my longterm 3-year relationships. I do really believe in that cliche of “you’ll just know” when it’s right.
I think after 6 months, engagement it fine. You aren’t getting married the moment you get engaged, you have to wait to plan the wedding and everything. Girls who wait past 2 years for a ring are silly to me. When you wait past the 2 year mark, it probably won’t happen. Also, you start to resent them. Resentment can last years and years. You don’t want a resentful marriage because that will lead to many meaningless fights..
After a year I think any guy should put a ring on it. Unless you are in school, army, or have an awful relationship. Why not? You know the person, their family, and love them. Girls drive themselves crazy over when they will get a ring, I think men should own up earlier! It’s just wrong making a girl wait that long, especially when there are children involved.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months now, and he knows I’m not waiting past 2 years. Girls make it clear to them, trust me!
It takes AT LEAST one year for the novelty of a relationship to wear off and for people to start seeing each other in a realistic light. A proposal should NEVER be offered or accepted before one full year of face to face, regularly interactive courtship. Long distance-relationships and internet or cell relationships DO NOT count. You cannot truly get to know someone under those conditions. An engagement can begin after one year of dating, but should be at least one year long. The decision to marry should absolutely be made with great care and consideration. Can we make a happy life together? Will we be of great support to each other? Will we make great parents? Are we committed to each other through all of life’s challenges. Can we financially support our family in the way we plan? And FINALLY, do we love each other with great passion and fiery excitement. I did not put the passionate love part last accidentally. Love is an absolutely crucial ingredient, but it is hardly the only ingredient. Passion will wax and wane. A couple must have an undying commitment to each other to make a marriage last until death do us part. At least TWO YEARS from meet to marry. Be sensible when it comes to marriage.
7 to 9 months is a tad too soon. Now having said that, me and my fience got engaged on the one year anniversary of the day we officially started dating… Which was Dec 3rd 2010, and we just got engaged a couple days ago on Dec 3rd 2011. We are going to be engaged for a period of two years so we can both complete our bachelors degrees, then get married on Dec 3rd of 2013. So all in all, our courting time will have been 3 years in total.
What makes people need to judge ? If someOne wants to propose after 7-9 months they can do it , my parents were together For 6 months before they got engaged and they have been together for 22 years . It’s different , if you feel you need to be with someone for 5 years before you get engaged do it. If you want to wait 3 months do it . Don’t let judgemental people tell you how long you need to be with you partner before getting engaged …. You know your relationship better than anyOne . just because your boyfriend won’t propose dOnt insist others wait as long as you …
I think if you fine the right man then that is fine to get engaged. Getting engaged does not mean your getting married soon. I was just friends with my boyfriend 2 years ago. We started dating a little over 2 mouth ago. Now engaged. I love him and we will see were this goes. Take a chance on love people. Life is to short;
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 1/2 years. I am STILL waiting for him to propose. We live together and he makes comments like well we are practically married. But I want the full commitment. I am to the point of how long do I wait before I move on. The thought breaks my heart of not spending the rest of my life with him. Hopefully soon we’ll be engaged. We’ve been talking about our wedding for almost 4 years now…
My boyfriend and I are going on 4 years. I was still in high school when we started dating and he graduates college this spring. We are waiting to get engaged because I want to at least have my undergrad before we get married. Considering how young we were when we started dating, after 7-9 months there was no way either of us would have been ready for the committment of an engagement or even just talking about marriage. We needed some time to grow up a bit before it was appropriate.
I absolutely hate hearing specific times, too soon, too long; ages, too you, not mature enough.. Whatever the so-called “protective comments”. The best words of wisdom I’ve heard so far were from an elderly man who’s wife just passed away: “if you can honestly say to yourself, ‘that’s the girl I want to wake up next to, fall asleep next to for the rest of my life, share everything in my life with’… and with this girl, if you lost her tomorrow or in 80 years from now, you wouldn’t regret a single moment spent sharing your life with… dont tell me son, answer to yourself – can she really make my life the best it can be? Does she know that? Do you want to help her be the best she can be? If you met her yesterday, or 10 years ago, is this what you can see for yourself, your future? (long pause) … Then get shopping mister!”
I bought her ring last week, waiting for her to finish yoga, and going to a spot on the beach we hung out on our first date. How long we’ve been together is unimportant for what I’m about to ask of her.
I think that’s enough time, my fiancee and i are high school sweethearts. I admit we broke up not after 3 months of dating, but that’s because a friend lied to me and said he’d put his hand up her skirt. I was dumb enough and hurt from a past experience i didn’t bother to ask his side, but a couple months later we tried again. And we’ve been going on for about 2 years, he popped the question, but we’re going to wait at least 3-5 yrs before officially getting married. That way we can get our degree’s and get everything settled first.
I have been with my fiance for 5 1/2yrs before he proposed. In many ways I feel like I know him but at the same time don’t know him at all. How much can you really know someone after 7-9mos especially when it comes to a big decision like spending the rest of your life with someone. I knew after 2mos I wanted to be with him but really being ready to be the woman I needed to be and he being the man I need is totally different. I say if you know you know but still take the time to be really ready.
Practical Person, how can you say “long distance relationships don’t count” – first off, that’s really rude. I guess you think you’re relationship means more or is more important than people in a long distance relationship? Second, long distance relationships are a LOT more challenging. If your relationship and feelings for each other can survive a long distance relationship, then you can probably do whatever it takes to stay together and make a marriage work. Maybe you should think before you judge other people’s relationships and cast it upon them. There is no timeline that fits every engagement. It’s a case by case basis, when the couple is ready, they’re ready. And when you know, you just know. If you are uncertain and having doubts, then just end it now. If you have been dating (as adults) for over 2 years and aren’t engaged, I see that it’s unlikely you are the “ones” for each other. Or at least that they guy doesn’t want to marry you.
I have been with my boyfriend for just about 3 years and still no proposal. Although he is only 23 and I am 20 I feel as though we are ready. I ask him about it sometimes and he has comments like we are already practically married or why do we have to do it right now. We have already been living together for two years in a home that he bought for us. We wanted to wait until I finished college to get married but I will have my degree this december and still not proposal even though I don’t want to get married right away after being engaged I would wait around a year. He just says why do we have to do it now? I already have one child from a previous relationship and we are one family and I would love one day to give him a child but he says not outside of marriage.
But when exactly will that be? I feel like I am going insane.
My parent bug me constantly and have comments like why should he have to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free. And I understand that but he says he wants it but when will it be. He told me recently that I can go ahead and plan a wedding for us now but I just don’t feel right talking about wedding details when he hasnt even asked me.
Olivia, Practical Person has the right idea. Long distance relationships don’t hold the same exchange rate. Depending on how long you skype with your significant a day, one month could equal… a few days (I’m being generous). Face to face relationships do carry a lot more time, commitment and interaction than do long distance ones. I can tell you from experience, both mine and my mother’s, that talking to someone for a couple of hours a day over skype is a LOT less strenuous than interacting with a person on a daily basis and deciding things like, when to meet the family, where to go for your Friday night dates, and when to take the next step physically. Marriage REQUIRES face to face contact on a daily basis, sleeping next to one another (blanket thieves and midnight gymnasts), divvying up chores, and a variety of other troubles that being miles or hundreds of miles away just doesn’t prepare you for. It’s not a judgment on the amount of love you may have for one another, but one the preparations and expectations that long-distance dating gives a person for marriage (or lack there of). You are right about one thing.There is no timeline that fits every engagement. When the speed limit’s forty, you can generally drive 10 miles over or under, but going 120 down an empty, flat stretch of clean, dry pavement doesn’t prepare you for the curves ahead, the ice, or other drivers. There’s a reason it’s called reckless driving.
My two year old son’s mother and I have been broken up for quite some time. Since we broke up she has taken him on dates with other guys, been in love with this guy and that guy and none of those “loves” worked out. In fact about five months ago she told me she still loved me and that we should work things out and start over. I was thrilled with the idea of bringing my family back together again. But within a few weeks she told me that she was starting school and wasn’t sure if she could handle a relationship. I didn’t buy it but what could I do about it? Anyway a month after we broke up the second time she starts dating this guy we knew in high school. He’s in the military and lives five states away. A week into their relationship he messages me and tells me that he is going to take my family and replace me as our son’s father. Needless to say, I was livid with this guy’s immaturity but she was fine with it. They’ve been dating for a month now and I find out through some mutual friends that she is engaged to him and they’re getting married in three months. She tried to hide it from me and my family because she wanted to wait to tell me. She says her boyfriend got honorably discharged and is moving back home even though he’s only been in training for a year and my buddy in the military says it’s almost impossible to get honorably discharged that early into service. I’m worried she has plans to take my son to georgia. I’m even more worried that her irresponsible, irrational, and selfish decision will affect my son.
I don’t think there should be a limit. Sometimes you just know when you have the right person. My fiance proposed to me after 6 months of us dating. We spent all of our free time together and when we couldn’t we constantly talked on the phone. In our first month i knew more about him then i think i knew about myself. My friends and family were a little cautious, so my fiance and i decided to have a 5 year engagement since i would like to be out of college before we wed. Since then my fiance and i have moved in together and i love living with him. I can hardly wait for my future of waking up to him every morning.
I think 7-8 months might be the norm now a days, but in my opinion its too early. People say I love you after a week, the “L” word is just thrown around willy nilly. I am 20yrs and have been with my bf since I was 14. We said I love you after 4months of dating, we wanted to actually mean it. He is my first love and my, well, first. Some may say we arent ready to be engaged because he is all I really know, but I dont really want to know anything else. I like the romantic sense to it. I may only be 20 and he may only be 23 but we are aware of eachother and are SOO ready for the next step and this is after 5yrs