Too often I think women tag men with having a “fear of commitment”. In reality, I’d venture to say that most men aren’t fearful to commit, we just don’t know what we’re looking for the majority of the time. I can honestly say I wasn’t “afraid” to call Rebecca my girlfriend. It was a mixture of fooling myself into believing I didn’t want a serious relationship, and pure complacency of the relationship at the dating stage. Once I finally realized that I was, in fact, exclusively dating a girl for over a year, and it was a relationship, commitment was a pretty easy decision to make.

How I did it

It was done. I turned my best friend into my girlfriend. Life was great. We were a boyfriend and a girlfriend who laughed, loved, and genuinely enjoyed one another’s company every minute we were together. While we didn’t have a bicycle built for two, it sure felt like we should have one.After that hurdle, it was smooth sailing. Upon the horizon though, in the back of my head I knew this ship would be smacked with the decision to turn my girlfriend into my fiancé, then my wife.

Why is marriage so scary?

Marriage.

The enormity of the concept made me type it on its very own line. Was I ready to “take the plunge?” Why does it have to be called the “plunge?” Why can’t it be “take the frolic?” Right, because it’s a hard decision, and it’s FOREVER. Although intimidated, I would never categorize myself as being “fearful” of marriage. A decision that I have to make that spans my entire lifetime is going to be daunting no matter what it is. Women don’t give us enough credit when we take our time before proposing. If we had to make a decision that limited us to eat one food for the rest of our lives, you better believe we’d weigh our options for a while. A steak would never call me “fearful of commitment” if I was taking my time before picking it.

Getting over the hurdle

So, what should you do if you’re still on the fence? What if you haven’t quite matured, made those extra dollars, or realized that sitcom wives aren’t real? What happens when your girlfriend is ready for engagement, and you’re not? It’s 4th and goal on the 8-yard line, you want to take the field goal, but she’s pressuring you to go for it. Call a time out and talk about this. As a guy, the thought of having a “talk” makes me cringe. You need to figure out what your intentions are, and what’s preventing you from asking her to marry you. There’s a good chance that your girlfriend is pressuring you because she doesn’t know your intentions. If you can’t see yourself marrying the girl, maybe it’s time to reassess the relationship. However, if you see a future together – tell her. Let her know what’s holding you back. If she knows it’s going to happen at some point, she won’t pressure you – I promise. Out of all the guys I spoke to about engagement, the only ones that felt any pressure from their girlfriends are the ones who didn’t see a future with them.

Seriously think about the relationship

I know what it’s like to straddle that fence. I ran through every excuse in the book to buy myself time before I was committed. One night while I was out with Rebecca, she made me laugh. I’m not even sure what the joke was, and I’m sure she’s told funnier jokes before, but that’s what convinced me she was the one. I realized that I genuinely like to be around her. That’s when I hopped off the fence. It’s true, I was complacent and comfortable being her boyfriend, but as a guy, I had to ask myself seriously, how comfortable is it to straddle a fence anyway?
-Dave Soldinger
templeofgroom