Yesterday, Tres Sugar posted an interesting engagement-related dilemma.
A woman was seeking advice about her relationship with her fiance. The woman explains how her fiance gave her a less-than stellar proposal and engagement ring. The woman describes the ring as a .10 carat tension cut ring that she’s “too embarrassed to show off.” Her disappointment in the ring is now starting to affect her relationship, which she describes as now tense.
Most of the commenters told the woman that she was being unreasonable and that the size of the ring shouldn’t matter as long as the relationship is strong; others thought the woman had a legitimate reason to be upset since no one should be forced to wear something they hate.
Obviously this guy didn’t pick up an issue of Engagement 101. We run into dilemmas like this all the time, and it’s nothing new. Picking out the engagement ring together is an easy way to avoid a situation like this. Or, if you prefer to drop hints to your guy, letting your fiance-to-be know which styles you like and don’t like is a lot better than letting him blindly stumble through the dark. Sometimes when a guy picks out a ring she doesn’t like, the feeling of resentment is far beyond superficial reasons like the size of the diamond. It’s about communication, being in tuned to each other, each others’ needs and each others’ wants.
What do you think? Does size matter?
It’s not the ring (or size of diamond) that matters, it’s what it STANDS for, what it symbolizes. I would have been just as over the moon about our engagement, had my fiance proposed with nothing but himself. Diamonds can be switched out for bigger ones over the years anyhow, but the love and excitement someone has during their engagement can not be replaced, no matter how big the diamond is.
For the girls who are embarrassed by their diamond size, they need to take a step back and really think about their engagement and relationship. So what? so maybe one of your bitchy coworkers looks at your ring and scoffs…but she isn’t the lucky one who gets to go home and have an amazing man waiting for her–you are! And no diamond can ever replace that.
My first wedding ring was 1/4 caret. I was so happy to receive my beautiful ring! 25 years later, I still think it is the most beautiful ring ever!
I agree that feeling resentment towards your partner over the size of a diamond is probably a sign of deeper issues in the relationship.
However some couple purposely chose to go smaller in order to afford a better quality diamond.
Choosing a Diamond: Size v.s Quality
I think the best way to avoid this dilemma is for both people in the relationship to be open and honest with each other about their preferences, if not before buying the ring then after. Also, if you’re going to be the one purchasing the ring as a surprise then make sure it comes with a return policy. You should respect the fact that your fiance-to-be may not like your choice and give them the option to choose another ring.
So we obviously don’t know the whole story here, but I can understand how she feels. My fiance and I actually went shopping for a ring together. We are only a couple years out of college and still trying to get on our feet financially, but we made the decision to struggle together as a married couple rather than wait until we are stable to get married. So anyway, I knew that I wasn’t going to get a huge ring and to be honest I didn’t care because it symbolized so much more than just “hand candy”. That being said I also wanted a ring that I would be happy showing to family and friends. We saved up money, decided on a budget, and went to the jewelry store. We ended up getting a 1/2 carat halo set and it’s perfect because I know what it took to get here and what it means for our future. Another thing to keep in mind is that most jewelry stores will let you upgrade your ring whenever you want (meaning that you can take what you paid for your ring and apply it to a ring that you want).